6 Signs You Are Self-Sabotaging Your Relationship

Have you ever wondered if you are self-sabotaging yourself from moving forward in your life and slowly ruining your life?? Curious how you can stop this self-sabotaging behavior?

We all want to live rich, fulfilled and happy lives no matter where we live, what race or ethnicity we are; all HUMANS want to be happy, and find fulfilling relationships. The problem then becomes just as we feel we are headed on the right path, we are making progress, some roadblock hits us smack in the face and knocks us down...hard! Someone you know pulls you from that high vibing feeling, tells you that you aren’t good enough, brings up feelings inside of you that you are ‘less than’ a mother/father/friend/colleague (insert that ‘negative nelly’ here), telling you your crazy if you think you can make your cake and eat it too. Does any of this sound familiar??

We start telling ourselves over and over again, each time this happens that life is so unfair to us, sending the blame onto another person for ‘them’ causing you not to succeed. We become the victim and most people know that no one really wants to spend time with someone in this frame of mind...am I right????

Let’s look at this from another way. What if instead of us thinking that life was out to get us, we embraced the fact that we OURSELVES are getting in our own way!!! Yes, I said it!! It’s quite possible that you are getting in your own way of reaching your goals. But guess what...you have more power over your own life than you are giving yourself credit for and you yourself have the power already within you to change your life!

If you are still shaking your head saying that this is not you and it’s because of other people that your life is the way it is, you may want to consider these 10 signs that you are subconsciously self-sabotaging yourself.

1. You struggle with imposter syndrome

Having feelings that you haven’t earned your accomplishments or your skills and your ideas are not worthy of others’ attention. Personally feeling like a fraud. (It’s not only Albert Einstein and Maya Angelou who have struggled with this-this happens to many everyday good people.) If you are having the feelings that you are just ‘lucky’ for earning that success, then you may be suffering from imposter syndrome (also known as imposture experience or imposter phenomenon.)

2. You’re overly self-critical

Are you constantly putting yourself down all the time? Do you focus on your weaknesses and flaws instead of focusing on what your strengths are and what you are good at?

We all have what’s termed the ‘negative bias’ which is meant as a form of protection. It’s meant to protect us from experiencing future mistakes but many times it actually goes against us and causes us to feel bad about ourselves for truly unnecessary or illogical reasons.

Being negative and feeling sorry for yourself will only hold you back!

3. You compare yourself to others

Picture this. You go out with your friend after buying some new outfits. Your friend gets compliments on her new outfit but you don’t OR you have been working your butt off trying to lose weight, doing all the things you know are important to make this happen and it’s trickling off slowly, while you scroll through your support group on Facebook and notice how many others are losing weight and reaching their goals so much faster than you are.

Why do we spend so much time focusing on what other people have and not just on ourselves? Leon Festinger, a social psychologist, first discovered this concept and analyzed it. Leon concluded that we compare ourselves to others in order to reduce our uncertainty and to help define ourselves. Unfortunately comparing ourselves to others is not the best way to help motivate us. In fact, most of the time it will actually make us feel that we are not good enough and the more we do this, the more we feel that we will never be good enough.

4. You initiate conflict with those you love

Are you somehow always getting into arguments with your loved ones or your friends frequently fighting with you? We can’t get away from conflicts in our life but if conflicts are happening more often than not with those you love it may be a sign that you fear intimacy. It’s natural for us to like what we are comfortable with and are familiar with and if we are in relationships where there is constant conflict, then we can definitely feel uneasy when things are different. Having more peace and harmony in our relationships can seem so foreign. We then can very quickly find ourselves causing more drama and turmoil in our relationships because we want to get back to what is comfortable, known, and familiar with chaos.

This can also come from a fear of rejection. Instead of sitting on the edge of our seats just waiting for someone to hurt us, we instead, lash out to our partner before they have a chance to hurt us. This is very unhealthy behavior and it will continue in all areas of our lives, causing constant sabotaging.

5. You lose your goals shortly after you achieve them.

Have you ever found yourself focusing on something you want and you finally get it, until, shortly after you get it, you lose it? Finally, you have met that perfect partner and relationship that you’ve been looking for. YAY!!! Then...break up within a few months. Noticing this repetitive behavior, no matter what area of your life, it just keeps popping up over and over again. What’s going on???!!

These events and experiences may have something to do with your beliefs and self-talk. On some deep, subconscious level you may not believe in yourself (telling yourself things like: ‘I’m not attractive enough”, “It’s my fault”, “ I’m worthless”, ‘I’m a bad boyfriend/girlfriend”) and think you are unworthy of having what you truly want and DESERVE!

6. You focus on problems rather than solutions.

John Lennon has a famous quote “There are no problems, only solutions.” I have a NEW FLASH for you….when something bad happens to us, it’s actually not a problem. It’s how you choose to look at it. If you always perceive things as problems, that, of course, is what it will be, a problem. But if you perceive this ‘experience’ as an opportunity to learn and grow, coming from a powerfully positive place then that is what you will see. We all have a choice on how to perceive things, good or bad.

The more you focus on the negative the more negative will flow your way, over and over again. Like attracts like. If you are complaining all the time about your life, people in your life, your partner, work, your weight, etc etc...you get the idea right?!! Then you are self-sabotaging yourself…..yes YOU are doing this, not anyone else. By starting to change your thoughts and behaviors into powerfully positive, then more abundance and happiness will come your way. This can take some time to engrain but can tell you this for sure, ANYONE can do this!

Do you think you are sabotaging yourself??? If you’ve identified with any of these points, let us know in the comments. If you’re ready to accept some help and dominate the rest of 2020 like the amazing, powerful person you are, then consider Your Life Reinvented programs to help you get to shake off those shackles once and for all. Testimonials and enrollment details are HERE.